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Post by Stephanie on Feb 28, 2019 6:17:02 GMT
Throwing Stones...
I do NOT like this challenge at ALL.
Sure, I am fine putting in the work tonight to post every 5-10 mins, but it feels really mean which I do not like. One, the imagery of actually throwing rocks at a person I do not like, but also, I do not like how people (and I am including myself in this) can "throw stones" at each other while having a totally civil conversation on Skype with them. Two people asked me not to throw stones at them, Noah and Doug, so I have not. I asked them to return the favour, hopefully they do. The people I have thrown the most at are Kaylee, Brian, Andrew, and Mark. Part of my rational is that these are the people I have no relationship or a negative relationship with, but part of my thinking is as follows. Brian has (potentially) also been on the outs on Kalmar so he may be going for the immunity. Kaylee just played an idol so may be going for immunity. Mark voted with Kaylee, so is potentially on the outs with that tribe. Andrew, I have not talked to yet so I have no remorse. Everyone else, I feel bad throwing stones at even though I have put their names down at least once.
I have put time into this challenge tonight, and in that time I have also been trying to get to know some of my new tribe mates. I had a great conversation with Griffin where we caught up on everything that had happened and even hashed out some of the stuff from the first vote that had been looming. I felt great about it. My other new connection on the other swap tribe is Emily. I like talking to her so far and will have to see if it turns into anything.
Anyways, as I mentioned I do NOT like this challenge and hope it turns out okay for me.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 2, 2019 2:48:18 GMT
First vote after the merge.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 3, 2019 5:28:00 GMT
It is a whole new game playing from "the bottom".
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 4, 2019 5:39:20 GMT
Things are actually happening! I am so happy to feel like I can actually move and play and have conversations with people. It is so nice to feel like I am more than a pawn in this game and I have some autonomy.
As of right now, Griffin, Brian, Kaylee, Emily, Mark and I are working together for this vote. Everyone (in that group) is on board to vote out Doug. We do suspect that Doug has "The Conquest" power so are trying really hard to not let on anything to that whole other side (Doug, Charity, Taylor and Andrew). Now, this whole plan is very convoluted and fragile and relies on a lot of stories being kept straight.
To back track a bit, after the last vote (when Noah left), I started talking with Kaylee, Emily and Mark. Very quickly we all realized that Doug was playing us and he had been the one to flip on Noah. We formed a group that they named "The Bottom". We filled each other in on previous tribes and different dynamics. With this all said though there is still a facade going on that those three believe Doug that the vote was me, and that I believe the vote was Emily. We all know these lies are being enforced and freely share it with each other. Right away, we knew we needed Griffin to even have a chance going forward and we all started talking to him (separately). In this time, Brian approached each of us individually to let us know that he was brought into a group called "Conquest: Heroes" and that is who voted out Noah, but he did not want them to have all the power and wanted to do something about it. After about a day of lots of one on one conversations, Brian formed a group called "Conquest: Anti-Heroes". This group chat is Mark, Emily, Kaylee, Brian and I (still no Griffin). Griffin has been the hardest one to lock in to something, but I FINALLY feel like him and I are on the same page. It was hard because he knows (and I told him) that I voted for him. So it is taking time to re-build trust. I do think though that he genuinely wants Doug gone and is starting to feel like him and I playing together is best for both of us right now.
Now on to all the side conversations/ lies. Right after the vote, I played up to Doug that I believe him and that him and I are good. We talked a lot yesterday, and a little bit today. From my perspective, he believes that I want to work with him and vote with him. I have also been playing up to Charity that now that Noah left she is the only person I have at all in this game. I have been with her all game and she is my closest friend. I am specifically using friend not ally to cover myself slightly here. I have been telling her that I want to be included and want people that her and I can work with. I tell her I talk to her the most (which actually may be true) and that I need her help in this game. I ask her who I should try and form bonds with, and play up the fact that I have nowhere to go but her. Now, all of this did not happen directly after the vote. What initially happened was I asked her what happened and told her how hurt I was not to be included. I very much used guilt tripping to my advantage, and feel she felt a bit bad. Today, her and I had a conversation and I took note of a few key things. 1. We talked almost an hour and she would not say a name. 2. She would not go on camera (I am guessing she did not want to lie to my face). 3. At one point she said "I really think you can join our (then she paused) that we can form a group here". I let her continue but took a mental note of her slip up. Honestly, I really like Charity, I like talking to her on a personal level and everything, but she does not give me anything to work with. She also told me that she wouldn't be mad if I blindsided her as long as the vote was not her. So, I will see how she reacts if this plan all does go through tomorrow.
I think that is really all for tonight. I will be working till about 5:30pm EST tomorrow and have a 45 minute commute home after so I will not have a ton of time to touch base with people, but I think that will be okay as long as nothing major blows up or changes. (fingers crossed)
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 5, 2019 5:40:18 GMT
Well, we did it! Our blindside worked. Unfortunately, people now see me as more of a player and I am riding a VERY thin line now. I am trying to explain things to Charity, Taylor and Andrew without being perceived as shady with those I voted with. I am happy to have some autonomy now, but also very aware people's perception of me has now shifted and because I have some relationship with everyone I am playing a risky risky game right now.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 6, 2019 6:05:57 GMT
By 12 hours, I really mean 24...oops (not doing a re-take for that).
Also, forgot to mention I know Mark has Shadow Immunity this round. I really do not think it will matter and likely just will not be a factor. It seems to be a bit of Emily vs. Charity right now as the names most commonly thrown around.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 7, 2019 13:47:56 GMT
Top 8!
This past round was a MESS. I do not like how it went down at all and it made me feel really unsure of a few people.
Leading up to the vote, I had at least some semblance of a relationship built with everyone except Andrew. I talked a lot to Charity, and feel really personally close to her. I was building something with Taylor, and even though it was not as strong as some other relationships, I really liked talking to her and felt really good when we did talk. I have a group chat called "PAWNderosa" with Brian and Griffin. A group chat called "CONQUEST: Anti-Heroes" with Brian, Kaylee, Mark and Emily. Then another group chat called "The Bottoms" with Kaylee, Mark and Emily. P.S. All the names are weird and were not named by me.
Now, to move on. I feel like some people in this game either perceive me as unintelligent or easy to manipulate. I know I have played up the fact that I "need help" at times earlier in the game, but I think people do not believe I can see the game in a strategic way. I suppose I have used emotional arguments at times with people to have them see things a bit my way, but I still find it annoying. Today for instance, I had Andrew telling me (in our first game conversation ever), that "If you want to be in this game, do not work with Myvatn". It felt so much like a threat, and seemed to me that he felt he could scare me into doing something. Now, I know it could also be interpreted as be careful those three are strong, they will take you out, but it read really strange to me. Charity has also been telling me since the Doug vote not to trust Myvatin, and that they will never turn on each other, etc. Coming from her I do not take it as badly, but it still feels like people do not think I can read situations. My feelings about people's perception of me was also reinforced with today's vote and the way it happened.
In "Conquest: Anti-Heroes", the 5 of us were talking the other day and Brian had to jump off call, but he wrote in the chat he would be okay with Charity. Emily, Kaylee and Mark were on board, but right away I told them that that would emotionally be a hard move for me and it would not be my first choice. I felt like the Myvatn 3 really appreciated my honesty and understood it. Then yesterday morning (day of tribal), the "PAWNderosa" group went on call quickly. Griffin mentioned he would prefer Andrew. Due to my lack of relationship with Andrew, I thought that would be the easiest immediate move for me. Griffin said he would reach out to the Myvatn three and I agreed. Throughout the day it went back and forth so much, but the convo was always Andrew vs. Charity (in the Antiheroes chat). Brian and I would weigh in with thoughts and so did Kaylee, Emily and Mark. I was working a lot and would come back to a messy messy chat. Mostly, Brian's comments were always confusing and contradictory to what he would say to me or me and Griffin.
Then, about an hour before the vote Brian came to me saying it had to be either Kaylee or Taylor in order to keep Charity and Emily in the game to go for each other. I told him I had concerns with that but I was ultimately then told a "compromise" was happening and it was Taylor. It all happened super last minute and I felt really gross about the way Brian, and to a smaller extent Griffin, made me feel. I felt Brian was just toying with me knowing I had to go wherever him and Griffin decided. The fact that he made the "PAWNderosa" group because of feeling like people are not valuing us, then does not value me at all sucks.
Anyways, I think I am in a bit of trouble now so have to try and see where this round goes. I am VERY scared of Brian and Andrew being in this game though.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 8, 2019 6:36:52 GMT
That challenge was hard. My leg's were shaking so much and were cramping up. I do not even know what happened when my egg dropped.
Now onto the real stuff. I think people are starting to feel uneasy about Brian, and (it is mean to say, but) I am kinda happy and relieved that he could be the target. Despite voting with him the last two rounds (and the first vote of the game), I have not felt good with Brian on a game sense since the swap vote/ our "drama". I tried to move forward and think about the game as a game but it really hurt what happened so I have been hesitant.
I was talking through this potential move with Kaylee and Emily tonight and the swap vote came up. Kaylee asked me to clarify something, so I went back into my production chat from that time. I started reading to them what I had said to production afterwards about being completely broken, and all the emotions came flooding back.
From and emotional perspective I really really want this potential move to happen.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 9, 2019 1:37:04 GMT
New Confessional
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 10, 2019 3:49:10 GMT
After the "On the Ledge" immunity challenge (which I messed up).
P.S. John, Katie, and Patrick I told you in my interview I would not be good at challenges, and this is proving more and more true.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 10, 2019 22:58:44 GMT
I am 99% sure Charity won this competition. I know she went about 15 hours, so granted she did not make any mistakes I am very confident nobody came close. I know Kaylee, Emily, Mark and I all did not go that long. Griffin started too late to come anywhere close (if he is telling the truth), and Andrew is still in Spain.
With this said now, I am AGAIN (at least potentially) in a decision making swing position here. Charity wants herself, Andrew, Griffin and I to vote together. Kaylee, Emily and Mark want the vote to be either Charity or Andrew (depending on immunity). They think we could even potentially split the vote.
I am VERY confused here. My heart and head are a bit at odds. I get from Charity and Andrew's position in the game, they need Griffin and I to vote with them, and Emily, Kaylee, and Mark need at least one of us to vote with them.
I really want to vote with Kaylee, Emily and Mark. I want to go to final 4 with them even if it looks like a bad position for me from the outside.
Emily is making it more and more clear to me that she wants to go final 2 with me, and now today Griffin told me he wants to be final 2 with me.
If I can subtly make Griffin think going with Emily, Kaylee, and Mark is best then it could put me in a really good spot.
It could also put me in a bad spot and I am aware of this, but I am valuing relationships over potential numbers here.
As Tony Vlachos said "It is an alliance of comfort".
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 11, 2019 5:28:47 GMT
Well, my last confessional makes NO sense now.
I can honestly say that is NOT a move I wanted or expected to make, especially at final 7. I LOVED Emily as both a person and a game player. She made me feel really good and I genuinely feel a friendship with her. The fact that she was also one of the few people saying she would want to go to final 2 with me also was hard. My heart hurts and it is really hard for me knowing I went against what my heart was telling me to do.
I honestly thought I would be going final 4 with Emily, Kaylee and Mark and that I would be voting out Charity, Griffin and Andrew before that. Then I just went and voted with the people I am not as emotionally invested in. Sure, it would hurt to vote out Charity, but because I knew she was in trouble for a while here I have processed that was a possibility. Where this Emily vote I had no processing time.
Also, Kaylee and Mark are hurt by what I did and I do not know where I stand with them now.
The blindside/ vote always hurts the most from those you are closest to. The fact that I have been playing VERY emotionally and leaning into the emotional connections makes it hurt more when I betray or lie to people. I am feeling this will be my downfall in this game, because even if I make it to the end, an emotional argument is hard for others to see.
Griffin and I have now been on the correct side of the vote and known where it was going every vote since Doug. The only vote post merge we were both not in on was the Noah blindside that really started me working with Kaylee, Mark and Emily.
As usual, I do not know what I want to do going forward here, so will have to see where the game goes.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 11, 2019 13:46:33 GMT
I still am feeling a lot from the craziness of this game.
As I mentioned earlier yesterday, I feel emotionally more connected to some people more than others in this game. I then just went and made a strategic move that went against my heart. It worked out, and we flushed an idol.
However, now I am in a spot where I still really like Kaylee and Mark. There is still work to do, but I also think those relationships are potentially repairable. I suppose they are kinda in the same position Charity was in previously, where they are down in numbers and I am one of the best bets to work with them.
I am VERY aware that I could be voted out here because people know I have the ability to be the swing vote, but I also think people think they can manipulate me. It is slightly true, I was influenced in the last vote, but I also think I can do it on my own too.
My best but also slightly scariest next move might be to get out Andrew. Then it puts me in the swing between Kaylee/Mark and Charity/Griffin. For me personally, Andrew is still a wild card that I cannot read. On another note though, Charity is really good at this game, and that scares me too.
We will see how immunity falls tonight to know what options are possible for this next vote.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 12, 2019 0:36:44 GMT
Final 6... Top Row!
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 12, 2019 5:31:46 GMT
At this point, the vote is either Mark or Charity. At least those are the most recent two names I have heard.
Charity, and I believe Griffin, are quite solid in wanting it to be Kaylee or Mark. When talking to them it seemed like they were leaning towards Mark because they think he is more likely to have positive connections with people and is more of a challenge threat.
Kaylee, and from what I am gathering (although not as confident) Mark, want Charity out.
This means that if I am correct in my reads here, Andrew (who has immunity) and I are the decision makers. We have to vote together in order to avoid a tie vote.
He seemed to me to be most worried about Kaylee/ Mark having an advantage. Then he was concerned about Charity and her ability to win this game.
I know I will lose to Charity. She knows too much about the inner workings of my mind and she has played into that all game. This scares me to let her get much further. I also believe that I will gain more respect from the jury if after voting out Emily I vote out Charity. It will prove that I was not (solely) forced into the move I made and that I have some agency. If she does not leave, then she can absolutely take ownership of convincing me to flip. I cannot make this move though without Andrew, or without Andrew/Griffin/Charity messing up and trying to make a split vote. At this point, I believe that Griffin is unwilling to vote Charity out this round.
Having only 6 of us in the game is interesting because the conversations happen faster. In under 3 hours I was able to have game talks (on the phone) with everyone in the game. Kaylee made a final two with me (which I would love to honour), Andrew suggested a F3 with Griffin, and Charity confirmed a F3 with Griffin. Mark is the only one not saying he wants me in the end. However, Charity is the one I am most frightened to have in the end.
More conversations are to be had still, and I know whatever happens this vote will be really hard.
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